Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
