Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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