they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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