I just made out with a guy for $7.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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