I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
