I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
