I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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