ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She's the barista slut.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
