So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
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