The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
