I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
my shit smells like andre
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
