Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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