Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
