Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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