Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
