she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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