no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
