Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
