I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
