But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
