I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
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There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
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We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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