"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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