he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
