I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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