I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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