So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
