Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
