i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
A+ Viking dick
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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