nut hugger
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
