dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
