Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
