1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
