you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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