How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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