is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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