wakey wakey hands off snakey
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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