i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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