Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked