Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.