Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS