physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Dating After Heartbreak
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.