Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar