my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
