were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize