Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
