its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Randomize
