Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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