In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
