An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
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You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
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I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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