tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
