the vacuum is drunk
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.