There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE