And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
