If i come over, it means nothing
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage