hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
