i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Im part way to drunk.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
