insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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