I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
