If i come over, it means nothing
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
