the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My life is pants optional.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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