Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i would punch a child for taco bell
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
