your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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