don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
