Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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