thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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