He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
