i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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