Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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