mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
