ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
