She is in my trunk
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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