he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
