Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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