I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
