omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
