im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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