Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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