fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
